Incest - Anais Nin

Haunted by a book. It lifted me up and made a whirlwind out of my thoughts like almost no book before (the english patient was still a stronger obsession). Writing in my mind like her, knowing that if my artistic temper had been just a little more gifted, I could have been her.
I am her, in a way, just now. With my love, with my sensuality still hidden, a girl, a lover, half a woman.

I am drawing again, an image seen in one of the extasy moments. In grey and dark green.
Been dreaming last night - a fishnet full of little babies, children with soft white skin, taken out of the sea. I was swimming in the sea but could not save them. They were eating the babies, cooking them in the most horrible way until they became crispy. Then of course they would be coming after me. I decided to wake up and, half awake, realized that it could mean the following: I am afraid that "they" - the company - might take away my deepnes, the sea, and all the treasures inside it. They might roast them and feed from them, while I would stand unable to fight back in any way. But this will not happen. I am alive, the book keeps me so. I dive into another personality, finding resemblances with myself, fantasising.

And when I will finish..I will start it again, or buy a new one :)

shifting places

I'm leaving.
changing companies. different positions. different people.
It's already commonly known that people make a company, and as much as they can be annoying and frustrating sometimes, they are the ones you miss when you leave the company.

Dragos said in a sales training that the selling process doesn't take place between organizations. It takes place between two persons - it's about the relationship.
It's the same with your career - you develop a relationship not with the company, but with the ensemble of people you work with each day.

I will miss them. But as much as I'll miss them, I'm looking forward to the new people I will get to know and learn from.

Blooming

This came to me on the subway, on my way home.
There are different kinds of emotions - the ones that are driven by something in the outer world, like sadness for losing a friend, or happiness for getting a gift you had put on your wishlist. Then there are the other emotions, kind of mixed up usually, triggered by something that has nothing to do with you, like a movie or a particular song. These are the ones that make me feel alive. Like a wave that lifts you up and then trashes you to the sand.

Then there's this second thing. There are people...extraordinary people, who have a spark, that touches the world around them. When you are with them, you feel touched by this sort of light and energy. They bloom in certain moments and get "aligned" with themselves, they are integrated in their own universe. In their own way, they are complete.
I felt unbloomed. Like sometimes I feel like screaming or like dancing madly, but I know it's not a proper thing to do. My time has not yet come, I am not complete in my experiences.

And some people pass by this moment of blooming and stay opaque their whole lives. Songs do not touch them, nor does art.
There are people who help you bloom, in short moments. And there are people who shut you down.

I'm sure this was said before in some psychology book but I just felt like writing it down.

12 fix

This is the time this blog was created.
Mainly it's done to help keep an update of moments, things I spot passing by me each day.

Plus pictures I take, doodles I draw, people I meet, plus, plus...

enjoy
Mer